Now in Regular China

Golden Week in Xi'an

Home of the Terracotta Warrior Army, Xi'an is one of China's top five tourist destinations. We arrived, unfortunately, at the start of the May holiday, when one billion Chinese takes a simultaneous week long vacation. This meant hordes of tourists, skyrocketing hotel rates, and scarce train berths.

Coming from the northwest, where tourists - Chinese or western - are relatively few and far between, we were overwhelmed by the packed streets, aggressive souvenir salesmen (see photo - this guy was about to bust a gut trying to sell me a crummy warrior replica, which probably wouldn't survive the bus ride back to town), and massive tour groups at all the tourist sites.

Xi'an's sheer urbanity also surprised us, country bumpkins that we are. At over 6 million people, Xi'an is three times the size of Urumqi, the largest city we'd seen in China. You can almost hear the money being printed, with high end shopping in downtown (Prada, Gucci, etc), luxury condos going up willy nilly, and massive new shopping malls under construction. We also saw our first McDonald's, one of several in town. Not a single storefront remains empty. Our first day in town, we just wandered around soaking in all the shiny retail and eateries. I can't help but think that this level of economic activity is unsustainable, and someone is headed towards a real estate precipice.


Part of the Masses

In the blazing heat, ee joined the Long March to all the standard tourist destinations. I won't bore you with the details, except to say that the Warriors are definitely worthwhile, but the other standard attractions can be misssed. (Riding around the city walls was actually fun, though uncomfortable on a tandem bike built for midgets.) We're getting particularly burnt out on temples, which Jen talks about.

I've realized that I have a limited attention span for museums and preserved old buildings. While I can appreciate historic architecture, I ultimately prefer places that remain in use, and offer a sense of how people live today. So for me, a park on Sunday afternoon can be more interesting than a 1000-year old temple. Revolution Park in Xi'an, for example, had a great pedal-powered roller coaster, tons of families and kids having picnics, and outdoor karaoke.


Gambling in Chengdu

We spent two nights in Chengdu, staying for the first time in a backpacker hostel. (Thus far, in China, we'd stayed in regular hotels.) Backpacker hostels are international oases of sorts, desgined to make western travelers feel at home. We walked into the lobby to the sounds of Brazilian music, and saw people in the common room watching King Kong on DVD. It could have been Cuzco, Peru.

While we decided to cram into a sweaty dorm room to save cash, we did enjoy hanging with other travelers for a change. We wiled away one evening learning to play mah jongg in a nearby teahouse with an automatic mah jongg table (teahouses and mah jongg are big in Chengdu). This amazing machine shuffles and stacks the tiles for you, which rise like ICBM missles from a hidden panel in the table.

We also rounded up a Korean, American, and Singaporean from New Zealand to play a couple of Texas Hold 'Em games, proof that it's become an international phenomenon. When I asked the Korean where he learned to play, he responded "World Poker Tour on TV." Of course. For the record, Jen and I each came in second in three tournaments, but generally didn't fare too well. Better than mah jongg, however, where the Singaporean guy took us to school. Sad considering our respective heritages, really. Mah jongg was my grandmother's life!

Sichuan Eats

Sichuan cooking is reknowned for its spice. Sure enough, our first night in town, Jen and I had two dishes - chicken fried with peanuts and tofu in chili sauce - which just about killed us. I was sweating profusely, tongue numb, and begging the surly waitress for more rice. Mmmmmm....numb tongue.


Panda Prostitution

Besides automatic mah jongg tables, Chengdu's other claim to fame is the Giant Panda Research Center. Here you can witness the Cutest Animal in the World (no, really, it's the cutest) chomping on bamboo and vigorously scratching its butt. These two activities, in addition to sleeping, make up most of the giant panda's day. I could have sat and watched these guys forever, they're just that charming. Everything they do is just full of cuteness. Look, there's one running! That one is climbing a tree! They think they're people!

The Research Center pimps out the animals for $400 yuan ($50), lining up tourists to take photos next to the pandas. To set up the shoot, the handlers entice a couple of pandas onto wooden couches, then continually shove bamboo into the pandas' paws to keep them sedentary. While the pandas kick it, Jabba the Hutt-style, the tourists come up behind them for the photo. You can even touch the pandas while posing. To their credit, the researchers give you plastic gloves to prevent STDs.

As in the human sex trade, baby pandas cost more. For a whopping 1200 yuan ($150) you can have a photo taken with a juvenile panda, which is pretty much the most adorable thing you have ever seen. Amazing, considering when they first pop out of the womb, they look like slimy blind hairless salamanders. Photos with red pandas -raccoon-like beasties, a respectable 7 on the cuteness scale (see photo) - cost a mere $6.* One wonders if they feel slighted by their discount status.

Following the tour, we sat in a comfy air-conditioned toom to watch a short documentary on the panda's breeding habits. Set to the music of Enya, the film featured black and white footage of giant pandas mating in dung-strewn jail cells. It looked like a porno shot with a convenience store security camera. Male and female wrestled awkwardly, bleating like sheep. Has anyone considered that the pandas would have more successful reproductive habits if the researchers offered them a nice hotel room or cozy bamboo grove? These iron bars would arouse only the most hardened criminals of the American penal system.

The film also showed drugged out pandas sprawled on metal operating tables as scientists probed at their nether regions. Again, the haunting chants of Enya did little to enhance the poor animal's dignity.

Now in Lijiang

We traveled non-stop via bus and train for 20 hours to get to Lijiang in Yunaan province last night. This is, without a doubt, the most gorgeous city we have seen on this trip. Salvador, Brazil and Luang Prabang, Laos can't compare to Lijiang's old town. More on this later.

* At the bottom of the cuteness scale, leeches, sea cucumbers, and maggots rank a 1. The average adult cow would come in at 5. The Giant Panda is a 10. The same animal can have different rankings at different points in its life. Hence, baby ducks come in at 7, but drops to 4 at adulthood.